Fail directs here. For other uses, see here
Of all the mutilations of the English language that have surfaced on the Internet, the abuse of the word "fail" would surely count as one of the very worst. The word "fail" was originally a verb, so grammatically correct use would be "I am worried that I am going to fail the test." However, its usage has changed over the years, as internet users of various web forums began using it as a noun, referring to something as being "full of fail," as an adjective, such as saying, "This is fail," or even as a general exclamation of disgust by saying, quite simply, "FAIL."
The meme (YOU FAIL IT) originates from the arcade game Blazing Star. Of all the game's obvious draws — among them fast-paced action, disco music, and anime-style cut scenes — its staying power comes from its wonderfully terrible Japanese-to-English translations. If you beat a level, the screen flashes with the words: "You beat it! Your skill is great!" If you lose, you are mocked: "You fail it! Your skill is not enough! See you next time! Bye bye!"
Any Epic Fail is a fail so incredibly bad that it paradoxically becomes a win. You cannot try to get an epic fail, because that would just be trying to attain a win. And then you would be trying too hard. It is important to distinguish between garden-variety fail and epic fail. For example:
Fail: Driving your car into a tree.
Epic Fail: Crashing the Hindenburg into the Titanic because you got distracted by a Detroit Lions game on laser-disc.
Cures of Fail
At this time, there's only one known cure, to win. The alternative treatment when the cure doesn't work is to kill yourself, preferably over the most trivial things and in the most over-the-top way imaginable.
Using You fail it in conversation
- klb's journal
- "It's slang from slashdot, k5 and other places. Started primarily by some of the more obnoxious members of these sites. The full original form is 'YOU FAIL IT (it is the thing you failed)'. It has branched out from there in a variety of forms."
- Athletes.com Forums
- "Bulking is for professional bodybuilders. You are not aThe professional bodybuilder. Therefore, you fail it (it is not being a loser)."
- Want A Billion Dollars?
- "Seeing as you can't even stabilize a URL. You Fail It. It is using the World Wide Web. (It's not much fun at the top. I envy the common people, their hearty meals and Bruce Springsteen and voting.)"
- "CYBER FAILZ. LOL"
- Paris Hilton's Notebook Gets Hacked
- "Goddamn it, learn to troll would you? If you going to be taken as credible, you need to at least come from a somewhat reasonable position. All you're doing is trying to defend something that is quite clearly the best thing that's happened on the internet in, I dunno, MONTHS. You fail it (it is being worthy of 20721). Go back to your trollaxor gaysex, chutney ferret."
- Rep. Mark Foley (R,FL) resigns after 16-year-old boy releases inappropriate e-mails and chat logs to ABC
- "LOL, did you see that congressman resigned? He totally failed it. You fail it (it is not raping children).
- "If the failing of a thousand fails were to fail in the fail zone, that would be like the failing of your failure."
- "Now I become am Failzor, the failer of life." —J. Robert Oppenheimer
These are some useful spellings of fail you may come across in your internet travels. Just remember that if you use any one of these, you have failed.
- phail with a PhD
- PH4=ACIDIC FAIL
- oh yeah, well...UR M07H3RRR!!!!1111 0|-| $|\|4p!!
- 831NG 1337 H4X0R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!11!!!11!1
FFFF AAAA III L F A A I L FFFF AAAA I L F A A I L F A A III LLLL
The fail/win paradox
Is a paradox created by deep thinkers constructed to create a failed Mindfuck. It simply puts a goal to "fail", and then asks if said test subject succeeded in achieving that fail. If the goal were to fail, and you failed in failing, then you achieved your goal to fail, thereby winning. If you achieved the fail you set out to achieve, that would be considered a win - the only logical outcome is to win when the goal is to fail. But even if you win, you're still retarded for trying.
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Animal Kingdom Fails
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- Doopie Doodles
- Doopie DoOver
- Doopie DoOver/Drugs
- Epic Fail Guy
- Facepalm: The regular response to fail
- Fail Blog
- Fail to Win
- New Zealand Fail Guy
- Gerald Fail
- Roseanne Barr
- Trying too hard
- YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG
is part of a series on
LERNIN 2 INTERNET
Aspierations • BLANKING IN PROGRESS • Charming Naïveté • Delete fucking everything • DOIN IT RONG • Edginess • Failing it • Internet tough guy • Kids on the internet • Legal action • Liberalism • Mental illness • Skript kiddie • Sob Stories • Trolls • Unrealistic Expectations • Unwarranted Self-Importance • Waaaambulance
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